Last week, Politker, published a story about the wife of NYC Public Advocate (and Mayoral candidate) Bill De Blasio’s wife, Chirlane McCray and her past as a lesbian. McCray’s response to the report, “In the 1970s, I identified as a lesbian, and wrote about it. In 1991, I met the love of my life, married him, and together we’ve raised two amazing kids. I’m reminded every day how lucky I am to have met my soulmate.”
My initial reaction to this was the same one I had when De Blasio first began showcasing his wife African American wife and biracial children more prominently in campaign literature. Eh, ok, but so what? So what because this is clearly (in my opinion) a personal matter between a husband and wife and not necessarily for public discourse.
Is this really a scandal? Among younger people, something like this really is not news or overly scandalous based on the (incorrect) assumption that the majority women have had a same sex “college experience”. While many females I know like to boast that they’ve kissed a girl, most women in my generation have gone no further or are out the closet and open about their sexual preferences.
According to a 2002 study done by the Center for Disease Control’s (CDC) and the National Center for Health Statistics (NCFHS) based on 12,571 in-person interviews:
- 4% of females reported having had a sexual experience with another female in the past 12 months.
- 11% of women admitted to a same-sex sexual experience in their lifetime (vs. 4.1% of women ten years prior who admitted to having had oral sex with another woman).
- 3% of women admitted to having had sex with both males and females in the last 12 months.
Additionally, women have been more open about exploring their sexual identity. For example, in the same study cited, among those who had sexual relations with another woman, nearly two-thirds (65%) ultimately considered themselves heterosexual.
According to a May, 2011 Gallup Poll, roughly 25% of adults in the US are estimated to be gay or lesbian. If that is the case, one could argue that as a society we are increasingly open to those who aren’t considered “straight” and not every woman who identified as “straight” has always engaged in “straight” sex.
So not every bisexual female or lesbian who has always identified accordingly may have ended up with a partner, mate, or spouse that fit neatly into their own concept of their sexuality. So De Blasio is hardly the first guy to marry a not-so-straight woman, other women have married not-so-straight men… It’s all become fluid and we know that in this time and age of sexual experimentation, some of us won’t be completely straight at the end of the day but we all seek to find an honest and loving connection to another human being.
I don’t think (or care if) Chirlane McCray is straight, I think she happens to be in a relationship with her soulmate, who happens to be a guy (gasp!). I don’t think McCray is confused or has moved away from her core principles regarding civil and human rights by virtue of the fact that she has maintained an active role as an outspoken advocate of civil rights for the GLBT community (as has her husband). I don’t think McCray has been “cured” nor has she ever claimed such foolishness as indicated by Andrea Peyser.
I think this is less about McCray and more about the fact that generally, people like others to be categorized. Some of us like to categorize folks nice and neatly as Black, White, Latino, fat, skinny, rich, poor, etc… We like to see the world in black/white, either/or terms because the grey area tends to make us uncomfortable. We like to push our notion of right and wrong on others because of our own discomfort with fluidity.
Here are some facts in black and white.
1. McCray wrote an article about her experience and growth as a Black woman who identified as a lesbian at that time. It was groundbreaking to do so coming from her ethnic background and was brave.
2. The article she wrote for Essence magazine was written over 30 years ago. It was only a mere 20 years ago that Madonna was taking nude photos with Big Daddy Kane… Put it in perspective…
3. McCray later met an interesting (and handsome) Italian guy by the last name of De Blasio who piqued and shared her interest. The two later got married and had kids – does it really matter what she was doing sexually before she got married? Are we asking him about his past relationships? No? Moving on.
4. If McCray was looking to experiment with men, she could and would have done it a lot differently. If her relationship with De Blasio was a front, it would not be where it is today, 18 years later.
5. Anyone that has been around Mr. De Blasio and his wife can see clearly they love each other and have a very good dynamic based on mutual respect, friendship, and a deep knowledge of one another (most of us WISH we could have that).
6. McCray and De Blasio are loving and caring parents who have set a good example for their kids about relationships and humanity whether they be multicultural, multiracial, multiethnic, multisexual, multi-whatever. And the end of the day, that’s all that matters.
De Blasio’s desire to become mayor should lead us to pick apart and research his political history. Using that as a measurement of his capacity to lead this City should be the emphasis.
Finally, at the end of the day, McCray and De Blasio did not issue anyone of us an invitation into their bedroom, so perhaps we should stay out of it.
My Spot 